A note about this post: The insights are directed toward a married mom. However, I believe the concepts can be leverage by single moms in partnership with a trusted friend.
Alison and I “met” over the phone. Old school style. Ok, not rotary-dial old school, but old school in that we didn’t zoom or face time.
We just talked.
Cell phone to cell phone.
As we chatted and laughed, I was reminded of how much I had always liked Alison.
Eventually our conversation turned to how our unnesting experience might be a help to other moms. I asked her what she would share with a mom just entering the unnesting journey, whose oldest child is in middle school.
“I would say, don’t enter this stage without a plan. The unnesting journey was a lot harder than I expected. And I expected it to be hard. It sometimes felt like a long, drawn out crisis. So, I would encourage her and her husband to spend some time talking through their ideas and goals for this season.”
I could see the wisdom in her suggestion. So often we are told that we need to “be on the same page.” But how often do we take the time to make sure we actually are on the same page? And yet, by the time we’ve entered the unnesting journey, we only have a handful of years before our kids move out of our home and onto the next chapter of their lives.
What are we trying to accomplish in that short time?
How can we best equip them for life on their own?
Where do they need to grow and how can we support that growth?
If we don’t talk this through with our spouse, or a trusted friend, we could squander the precious time we have with our children-becoming-adults.
Alison continued, “There have been very important times when my husband has had to ask me to leave the room because he was handling the situation. And there have been times when I’ve had to ask him to let me take over because his emotions were getting the better of him.”
“If someone says that to you and you’re not on already on the same page with them, you’re going to be mad.”
She explained that discussing their common objectives for the unnesting years at the beginning of the journey helped deepen the trust she and her husband had in one another. It provided them a foundation to work from knowing what it was they were trying to accomplish together. And it gave them a sense that they could count on each other in the thick of the unnesting years.
“Being on the same page is important not just in the sense of holding the line so you can’t be divided,” Alison added, “But also in the sense of I’m your reinforcement. Send me in when you’re having a hard time.”
Friend, whether you are just entering the unnesting years or you’re a nearly-empty-nester, may you and your spouse find time to talk about the goals you two have for the particular season you are in.
And if you are a single mom, I pray God provides you with a good friend who is able to support you when you need it, who is willing to listen as you talk through your goals for the unnesting years, and who is an encouragement to you.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
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