Did you know that, as the chrysalis is forming, the skin of the caterpillar-becoming-a-butterfly slowly peels away? It’s head and legs are also discarded in the process. Once the chrysalis hardens “almost all of the caterpillar’s body is dissolved into a kind of soup which is remade into the shape of a butterfly.”
I try to remember this when the transition from mothering children to becoming the mother of young adults feels especially painful, or when it looks particularly messy. Transformation is never easy.
Not for the butterfly.
Not for our children-becoming-young-adults.
Not for us.
There is a certain expectation that the unnesting season will be difficult and challenging. The releasing of our children is hard. We often want to do so in measured steps while our children want to charge ahead unhindered. And thus, the usual push-back ensues as we maneuver our way into two separate, distinct human beings: parent and young adult child.
But this process has become more complicated over the last decade. Teens are forced to navigate an increasingly permissive, anything-goes culture and weigh those options against the Christian values their parents raised them with. Lots of kids choose to remain on the path of life (Matthew 7:13-14) but as I hear from friends, fellow moms in the process of unnesting, I am seeing that more and more kids are choosing to indulge in the smorgasbord of options being served up by the world around them.
And it is heartbreaking.
It can feel, as one friend put it, as if they are feasting on death.
Which makes me wonder: Does she mean the kind of death the caterpillar experienced? The kind that feels as excruciating as having all your skin peeled off – or your heart ripped out? That kind?
And if so, can I trust that God will take the soupy-mess in my young adult child’s life and turn it into something as exquisitely beautiful as a butterfly? For that really is the ultimate question: Can I trust God?
As for me and my heart, I choose yes. Yes, I trust Him. I trust God.
I trust God with my life.
I trust God with my marriage.
I trust Him with this generation of beloved children wrestling with whom they will serve. (Joshua 24:15)
I choose to believe that one day, like Lazarus, Jesus will call these children-feasting-on-death out of the tomb and restore them back to life.
Although we can be confident that God wants life and life abundant for our kids, waiting for their resurrection day can be agonizing (John 10:10, 2 Peter 3:9).
Jesus, why do you delay?
He delays because He loves us and our children (John 11:5-6). He delays for the Father’s glory and for the glory of His Son (John 11:4). He delays so that those standing around would, as they watch God radically transforms our children, believe that Jesus is the divine Lord and Savior. He delays so that they too may be called out of darkness into His glorious light (John 11:42).
Friend if you are suffering through a long season of waiting for God to restore your children to His fullness of life, if you’re heart is breaking over their long wandering down the road of destruction, know that Jesus too is moved in His spirit and troubled (John 11:33). Know that He too weeps over the plight of your children (John 11:35).
And know this: He longs for the day when the stench of death so overwhelms our children that they will be able to hear Him call their name, demanding they walk out of that tomb and into new life in Jesus (John 11:38-44).
Sweet friend, remember Jesus is walking this journey with you. You’re not in this alone, He is standing by you, strengthening you for this trying part of the unnesting experience (2 Timothy 4:17). Cling to Him.
You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.
Acts 2:28
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